2010: October to December

You know the drill. Here, for one last time, is what will be happening in the world in October – December, 2010.

October 2010

October saw the worst case of ‘mild’ throughout the country since records began. People up and down the UK have reported temperatures reaching mild conditions like they’ve never experienced. One London resident reported -

“What is this? Is this weather?”

While a Yorkshire MP was quoted to have said -

“It’s only a bit of mild, we can cope with it up here. It’s those Southern fairies that have to watch out, they can’t cope at the best of times”

Sky News ran with the story all week, reporting frantically under the subject “Isn’t it funny when the news is the weather and the weather is the news”. Further mild conditions have been forecast for November.

November 2010

In November Google launched the latest iPhone, the iPhone 3GSTi. Previous iPhone owners will notice many similarities to previous models, however the defining feature of the new model is it’s collection of exclusive in-build applications, built to live up to the name and power of the 3GSTi.

Need a pregnancy test after coming home in the small hours of the morning with your knickers around your ankles and the lingering sour smell of fags and regret? There’s an app for that. Simple open up the Pregnancy Test app, and when instructed, pee on your iPhone screen.
After leaving it a few minutes, your phone should give you a vaguely accurate reading – probably along the lines of “Stop pissing on me, you mental woman”.

December 2010

The 2010 X Factor finals came to a close in December with the winner, Roger McRacken from Bolton gaining the UK Christmas Number 1 after a 90′s band couldn’t be bothered to put the effort in to stop them this time around. Upon hearing the news Simon Cowell masturbated in time to the beat of the most likely terrible song, using pulped £100 notes as lubricant while wiping away his tears of joy with a golden handkerchief made from the hair of babies.

Cheryl Cole was once again the winning judge, gaining herself a couple of extra £K in the bag, and unlimited use of Cowell’s master suite whenever Ashley is being a dick.

Louis Walsh, once again, had the group category. He was reportedly furious, though wouldn’t let on. In an interview during the early stages of the show he exclamed -

“My acts are utterly appalling this year. Really bad. But the voting public are idiots, there’s always hope”

And hope there was, with one of Louis acts, Miss Hyde, coming in at second place. Upon being interviewed after the final, Dannii Minogue said something, we’re sure of it, but we just couldn’t see her face move.

Only Logical will return to regular broadcasting, next week.